Wednesday, February 1, 2012

a post i never posted

below is a blog post i started this past SUMMER, in 2011.
[you know how God can be pretty persistent when He wants your attention on something? i find He's getting especially persistent when He starts using mutliple media :) It starts with a thought. but it's easy to ignore a "thought" or rationalize that it might have been my idea not God's. then i'll hear something on the radio or that very day's devotion will be on the subject, then i KNOW it was God's idea all along, and i have to smile because He loves me enough to orchestrate these circumstances.
so that brings us to today. i'll just be real. i love the internet- shopping, pinterest, blogs, facebook, googlin' stuff- i love it. and i wake up about 20-40 minutes before my children sometimes less, but i will hop on my laptop and read a few blogs i like or look at things in that time. but last fall [that would be fall 2010] i first had the thought that maybe i should give that precious time to God. it wasn't that i didn't have quiet time, i do my quiet time at nap time because it's longer. so i thought, no i'll keep doing what i want to do. but the thought would come again, and again and i would enjoy my computer time less and less because i felt like i was cheating God so to speak. a couple of mornings i did read my Bible and pray, but i never stuck with it, rationalizing that i was having quiet time later. well, i had the thought this morning so i got up and i read my Bible and prayed a little. later i saw the title for a daily devotion i get via email by nancy leigh demoss. it said "starting your day with God"  and i got it. i laughed to myself and said, well that does it, from now on i'm starting my day with God
i don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the internet or the things i look at, but God is asking me to give Him the firstfruits of my day. almost as a safeguard, because sometimes we have company or i have tasks around the house that have to be done right then and quiet time might get drastically reduced or squeezed out altogether.]
PRESENT DAY: so how's that going you might ask? well...i'm sad to say i again did not stick with it. i continued my 'mid-day quiet time' but did not consistently give God the firstfruits of my day. then monday i decided i would. and then everything went wrong. not wrong bad, just wrong not how i planned it. but i just thought to myself, that is ok. this day is covered in prayer and i'm not going to worry about it or let the devil steal my joy. and all day i felt confident in my choices and actions because i consulted the Acient of Days before i started my day. now i'm hoping since its 'out there' in blogland that it will make me accountable and i'll be disciplined in my early morning prayer. what do i pray? i'm glad you asked. right now, i simply bow my knee to the One True God and thank Him for His son Jesus. I thank Jesus for loving me. i ask that he order my day according to His plan (psalm 90:12) and help me show Jesus to others. i also pray for healing for friends and loved ones.
i feel almost hypocritical even typing this because i fail every day. every day it seems i blow it one way or another. but that's the beauty of serving a God who keeps no record of wrong. every day i get to start fresh.
for some reason i'm having a hard time hitting "publish post" for fear of sounding pious or like i've got it all figured out because the Lord knows that couldn't be more false, i guess my hope is, that if anyone reading this has wished they had time for prayer or felt they didn't know where or how to start, then just know i don't either! i am just learning day by day and we can do it together! it's a discipline just like exercise or anything else that will eventually produce positive results. God will bless the time we give Him and we'll never regret a moment spent honoring Him.


Amy Kennedy said...

Deidre, thanks for finally posting this! I really needed to read that. It's 5:30 am and my children are still sleeping, and where am I?! Sitting at this computer during the only true quiet moment of the day in this house. Thanks for the wake up call. I know God needed me to read this this morning! Love you!

Just call me D said...

same place i was at too- spending my morning on the computer. it's a sweet little time first thing in the morning to spend it with Him. thanks for the encouragement!